Steve Young reports from Vancouver
on the Reaction of Local Residents
(with dastardly ph0tographic evidence below)

Wild Pirates Run Amok

In British Columbia flocks of wild pirates are on the rampage. They nest near pubs and liquor stores and sometimes leap out of dark alleyways screaming "arrrgggghhh" scaring passers by and residents alike.

The increase in the local populations of wild pirates has been attributed to their promiscuous ways, dating back to the mid 1960's and early 1970's in the United Kingdom. Shortly thereafter an extraordinary number of them were repatriated back to Canada from the UK. Since their repatriation they have been living on the fringes of society, not sure where they fit it, wandering from radio station to radio station in a vain effort to recreate their colourful past. Local officials have long ignored this epidemic of wild pirates hoping that they will eventually die out from lack of ego fulfilment and self-aggrandisement, but local residents continue to be concerned by their loud cries and partying ways.

At last report several of them were seen raising the Jolly Roger in a park in Vancouver, all of them were extremely intoxicated and many fell down in the long grass and made loud snoring noises. Municipal and federal authorities continue to monitor the situation.


Wild Pirates Create Havoc in BC Towns

A Selection of Comments from Locals

I have a wild pirate living near my house. He has taken refuge in a large cardboard box and refuses to come out during daylight hours. Sometimes, when I'm close enough to the box I can here him humming, what sounds to me like, radio jingles.
Bertha Smith, Horsefly BC

A flock of them staggered down my street the other night. They were very noisy and staggered a lot. Sometimes they broke into hysterical fits of laughter and this disturbed the elderly gentleman who lives across the street from me, he was most upset and waved his cane at them.
Bob Brown, Fanny Bay BC

We have to do something about this epidemic. These pirates are not to be trusted and, left to their own devices they will attack our wives and our daughters, they will break into our homes and steal our liquor, they will make rude remarks about our politicians and will generally upset the balance of our social mores. They must be stopped at any cost!!!
Andy Randy, Spuzzum BC

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Monday evening cruisin' with Mick, Tony, Gord (the Big Cruiser himself) and Steve,	"Does that remind you of Ramsey, Mick?"

"C'mon everyone! Caroline, Caroline, ...ine, ine, ine!"	Pirates will be pirates